I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
