Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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