There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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