So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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