she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
