That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
