MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
