I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
