Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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