I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
