I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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