I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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