I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
