Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
