I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
