i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize