Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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