I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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