Kareoke will never be a sober sport
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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