the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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