Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
