Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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