sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
