I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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