I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
