but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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