the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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