1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
