yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
