I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
