were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize