she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
