it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
