I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
