im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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