Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
