Whod you bang
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize