The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
