hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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