The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
