I hate all girls vehemently.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
