she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
