take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
They are going to name an STD after you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
