Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.

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(765): View more from Indiana

yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.

(1-765): View more from Indiana

yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.

Fav 21 985 2812
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(314): View more from Missouri

I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.

Fav 36 1898 4446
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(205): View more from Alabama

I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away

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(904): View more from Florida

It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk

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(817): View more from Texas

Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?

Fav 3 208 352
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi

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