i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize