I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
