We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
