Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
