Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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