Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
