we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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