My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
