you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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