Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize