I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize