I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
