If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
