Umm I'm too high to move.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
