this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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