I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
