Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
