i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
did you just send me my own nude
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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