Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
