Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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