I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
