Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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