Pants 0. Shit 1.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
