turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
