Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
handjob tips. give me some.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
