life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize