peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
