it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
