it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
