I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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